Showing posts tagged self
April 4 - April 11, 2013  The Numbers Current Weight: 221.6 lbs Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs Total Loss From Starting Weight: -35.6 lbs The Setbacks I got back on and fell back off again.  Hard.  No excuses here.  Just plain old fashioned fucking up and getting lazy.  After a good amount of beating myself up, I dragged my ass to last week’s weigh in.  I didn’t lose anything this week, but I didn’t gain anything either. I have yet to learn to push myself without shoving myself to the floor then kicking myself when I’m down.  I think that’s the hardest part to learn. The High Notes I’ve been focusing on the things that will hopefully motivate me to continue.  One of them is photographed above - my old jeans (from when I was at my heaviest) vs. my current jeans.  It’s just a reminder of how far I’ve come and how far I can go if I just keep pushing myself. My workout was 30 minutes long.  In that time, I did a 1/2 mile run in 10 minutes.  I was so disappointed, but I had to remind myself that it’s something.  Failure would have been nothing at all.The Weekly Goals -1 lbs loss Begin taking classes again - especially yoga. Restart 5K training. Begin and end the day with a positive thought. View high resolution
April 4 - April 11, 2013 
The Numbers
  • Current Weight: 221.6 lbs
  • Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs
  • Total Loss From Starting Weight: -35.6 lbs

The Setbacks

  • I got back on and fell back off again.  Hard.  No excuses here.  Just plain old fashioned fucking up and getting lazy.  After a good amount of beating myself up, I dragged my ass to last week’s weigh in.  I didn’t lose anything this week, but I didn’t gain anything either.
  • I have yet to learn to push myself without shoving myself to the floor then kicking myself when I’m down.  I think that’s the hardest part to learn.

The High Notes

I’ve been focusing on the things that will hopefully motivate me to continue.  One of them is photographed above - my old jeans (from when I was at my heaviest) vs. my current jeans.  It’s just a reminder of how far I’ve come and how far I can go if I just keep pushing myself.
My workout was 30 minutes long.  In that time, I did a 1/2 mile run in 10 minutes.  I was so disappointed, but I had to remind myself that it’s something.  Failure would have been nothing at all.

The Weekly Goals

  • -1 lbs loss
  • Begin taking classes again - especially yoga.
  • Restart 5K training.
  • Begin and end the day with a positive thought.
A very bittersweet moment: Moments ago, I found a dress I’ve been looking for the last year. It was one of those “I just need to lose 15 lbs” kind of dressed I bought before we moved to Cali. I wanted to wear it during the holidays, but couldn’t find it anywhere. While organizing and downsizing my closet, I found the dress tucked away in a forgotten bin. Turns out it’s big on me now. I never got to wear it, but hopefully it will make someone else feel gorgeous when I donate it. View high resolution

A very bittersweet moment: Moments ago, I found a dress I’ve been looking for the last year. It was one of those “I just need to lose 15 lbs” kind of dressed I bought before we moved to Cali. I wanted to wear it during the holidays, but couldn’t find it anywhere. While organizing and downsizing my closet, I found the dress tucked away in a forgotten bin. Turns out it’s big on me now. I never got to wear it, but hopefully it will make someone else feel gorgeous when I donate it.

Recap & Results

Lowest Weight in 2012: 205.8 lbs

Weight on December 31, 2012: 226.4 lbs

Current Weight: 220.4 lbs (-6 lbs)

I have no excuses for gaining 20.6 lbs in a little over two months.  Insomnia has been an issue for me the majority of my life, and sometimes I’m too stubborn to get it treated.  The lack of sleep led to depression, and depression led to eating like a miserable beast all hours of the day. My distrust of doctors and hatred of pills obviously worked against me.

Finally, I gave in and started trying prescribed medications for sleep.  In the end, it was the flu and the help of my acupuncturist that got my sleep cycle back to normal.  If for some reason my sleep schedule is disrupted, I definitely won’t wait to take care of it.

The year is off to a good start.  I really want to make this the year I succeed.

I can’t believe how far I got in 2012.  I lost over fifty pounds and gained back nearly twenty, but I’m still wearing a size 16/18.  It was a good year for struggles.

2013 is a good year for success.  I’ve already began but, for me, it all officially starts tomorrow (for the first full week of the new year).  Back to keeping record of my successes and challenges, back to running and exercising, back to improving my health (and looks).  I can’t wait! 

Despite my setbacks, here I am wearing a size 16 dress in a photo taken last Friday.  It’s not a size 6, but it sure as hell isn’t a size 22/24 (which was my starting size).  I’ve lost my way recently, gaining several pounds back due to a vicious cycle of insomnia, lack of exercise, and poor diet.  I’m so over it.  I want to get back to my routine!  I miss running, and I definitely miss sleeping.  My next doctor appointment will hopefully help with my lack of sleep.  In the meantime, I’m still proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. View high resolution

Despite my setbacks, here I am wearing a size 16 dress in a photo taken last Friday.  It’s not a size 6, but it sure as hell isn’t a size 22/24 (which was my starting size). 

I’ve lost my way recently, gaining several pounds back due to a vicious cycle of insomnia, lack of exercise, and poor diet.  I’m so over it.  I want to get back to my routine!  I miss running, and I definitely miss sleeping.  My next doctor appointment will hopefully help with my lack of sleep.  In the meantime, I’m still proud of what I’ve accomplished so far.

Rant: It’s my effin’ body and I’ll be as fat or skinny as I like.

These photos were taken yesterday (Sunday, October 21, 2012) after lunch/dinner.  I decided to take advantage of the full length mirror in the restroom.  My biggest issue is that despite my 50+ lbs weight loss, I still feel like I shouldn’t show off my accomplishments.  This is something I really need to grow up and get over, and that is why I’m posting them.  I also wanted to take this opportunity to say something because I’ve been getting a disturbing amount of comments “in real life” about what I should and shouldn’t do with my body.

No, I’m not skinny, and I may never be.  I’m more than alright with that, because all I want is to feel good, and to be healthy.  That’s it!  I don’t want to fit anyone’s ideal but my own.  This isn’t to say I’m not appreciative of people who think I’m beautiful.  It’s just that I’m too old to give a shit as to what people think I should or shouldn’t do with the body that I alone live in. 

If it isn’t people telling you that you have to lose weight, it’s people who want you to stay the same, or to fit their ideals.  “Don’t lose your boobs.”  “Don’t lose that ass.”  “Keep some meat on ya.”  “Don’t give up when you’re ‘average’ size.”  Shut up!  There’s always been a lot of that - the media, religion, politics.  All my life, some entity has always barked orders as to what I should and shouldn’t do with my body.  Pardon my language, but fuck ‘em all.  For real.  If I want to become a bobble-headed stick figure, then I will.  If I want to remain chubby, then I will.  If I want to get breast reduction, I will.  If you aren’t married to/sleeping with me, it’s not your concern.  Even then the choice is ultimately MINE.

Anyway, I’m showing off my accomplishments with full awareness that I still have work to do until I’m at my goal.  But, despite the road ahead, I’m happy with where I am at the moment and proud of all I’ve done so far.  You don’t like it?  Don’t agree?  That’s so not my problem, but I wish you the best.  I really do.  Now close the page, and move on.  And, to those that have supported me during this transition, you have all my love and gratitude.  Thank you so much.

For my before photo, click here.

September - October 4, 2012

Achievements:
  • Total loss of 51.4 lbs

Setbacks

  • Life has been kicking my ass, but I haven’t let it get in the way of taking care of myself.

Notes

The thing about losing weight with consistent success is that when you realize how strong you are, you’re less willing to put up with bullshit.  I’ve lost over 50 lbs.  Now that I’m here, I feel like the only person I have to answer to is myself.

This Week’s Goals

  • -1.5 lbs loss
  • Begin running again
  • Return to more creative hobbies - knitting, drawing, etc.  Try to take a break from gaming
  • Look into classes again - especially yoga
I’m currently down 47.2 lbs.  This is a before after from a few weeks ago.  It’s out of date, but I’m proud anyway. View high resolution

I’m currently down 47.2 lbs.  This is a before after from a few weeks ago.  It’s out of date, but I’m proud anyway.

I’ve Just Gotta Laugh… And Soak

I lose some weight, get a hair cut, get my mani/pedi done regularly, stop hiding behind my hair and my hoody, and my husband gets hit on.  Right in front of me, mind you.  On days when I’m feeling like shit and just down on myself, I like to have a mini-spa night.  So, I’m going to:

  • Run a bath.  Drop a Sex Bomb into the water.
  • Apply some Cupcake Fresh Face Mask.
  • Pumice my feet to keep ‘em smooth.
  • Use my Each Peach massage bar on my achy legs.
  • Meditate on all the things I’m grateful for - including my flirt-worthy husband.
  • Drink some jasmine tea and read a book.
  • Think about all the things I’ve accomplished - the most recent being completing the Couch to 5K program earlier this morning.

I haven’t even started and I feel better.  Time to go make this all a reality.

Bold as Love To my friends and family, thank you so much for all of the lovely comments and words of encouragement. I’ve decided to post my first before/after shot when I saw the comments I received on Facebook.  I’m so grateful for all the love and support that I’m glad to share this photo (and my weight) here.  I just wanted to be happy, fit, and healthy.  I’m finally on my way there. View high resolution

Bold as Love

To my friends and family, thank you so much for all of the lovely comments and words of encouragement.

I’ve decided to post my first before/after shot when I saw the comments I received on Facebook.  I’m so grateful for all the love and support that I’m glad to share this photo (and my weight) here.  I just wanted to be happy, fit, and healthy.  I’m finally on my way there.