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April 18 - April 25, 2013

The Numbers
  • Current Weight: 224.6 lbs
  • Weight Loss This Week: -.8 lbs
  • Total Loss From Starting Weight: -32.6 lbs

The Setbacks

  • I was unable to keep from binging late at night. 
  • I’m still trying to get my insomnia in check.  Yesterday, I managed to get a full night’s rest, but I still might see my doctor about this.  Again.  I’m so sick of going to doctors about this issue, because all they ever want to do is drug me up! 
  • I’m bloated and moody.  My cycle is right around the corner.  I don’t mind menstruating, it’s the stupid nonsense before it arrives that gets on my nerves.
  • I’m so over Active Link.  I need better fitness monitor.

The High Notes

  • I attended three yoga classes last week, and went for a long walk 5 out of seven days. 
  • Still working on getting my eating habits back on track, and while I did binge, it was mostly on fruits and veggies. 
  • I’ve been doing my best to truly embrace the concept of letting go.

The Weekly Goals

  • -1 lbs loss
  • Continue the 30 Day Squat Challenge
  • Continue taking yoga.
  • Continue looking for a race or event to train for.
  • Continue to begin and end the day with a positive thought.
  • Finish cleaning out the fridge and pantry, continue to restock it with better choices
Just began today.  Fifty was a killer as my limbs are still sore from yoga.  I’ll be posting stat updates shortly.  I just wanted to make note of this real quick.

Just began today.  Fifty was a killer as my limbs are still sore from yoga.  I’ll be posting stat updates shortly.  I just wanted to make note of this real quick.

(Reblogged from to-love-who-i-am)

April 11 - April 18, 2013 (Possible Trigger Warning)

The Numbers

  • Current Weight: 225.4 lbs
  • Weight Loss This Week: +3.8 lbs
  • Total Loss From Starting Weight: -31.8 lbs

The Setbacks

Sunday found me in a very uncomfortable place - being confronted with memories of my miscarriage.  I don’t often talk about it, and I don’t really deal with it.  The whole subject of motherhood is one that leaves me feeling worthless.  I should be honest and say that on the really bad days, it leaves me suicidal.  Before I go on, please know that I’m not planning to harm myself.

Motherhood feels like a childish dream I’m not worthy of.  I could hear voices from my past telling me “You’re not the marrying type,” and “You’re not meant to be a mother,” and I just want to sleep and will myself to never wake up.  Sometimes, I can cope.  Last week clearly wasn’t that time. 

This weekend also found me suffering from insomnia and a head cold the Hubs probably brought home from work.  Good times, good times.  It’s miserable feeling as though you’re back at square one - especially when you’re nowhere near it!  I didn’t even touch the goals I set for myself.  I paid for my lack of fight on the scale.  I’m not proud.  I’m tearing up as I type this, actually.  But I am holding myself accountable. 

The High Notes

  • I’ve slowly been adding movement back into my day. 
  • Little by little, I’ve been seizing control of my eat habits. 
  • I’ve been filling my time with hobbies again. 
  • I’m in the process of looking for a new goal to work towards.  A new race.  I have my eye set on the Electric Run, but I’m open to anything that I can train for.

The Weekly Goals

  • -1 lbs loss
  • Begin taking classes again - especially yoga.
  • Find a race or event to train for.
  • Begin and end the day with a positive thought.
So nice, I’m bloggin’ it twice. 

So nice, I’m bloggin’ it twice. 

(Reblogged from strangeflight)

August 2nd - 9th, 2012

Achievements:
  • -1.4 lbs for a total of -30.2 lbs
  • Completed Couch to 5K training
  • One week wearing my Invisalign braces
  • Met the 2 of the 5 goals I set last week

Setbacks

  • Forgot to begin Sunday with a sun salutation… again
  • Didn’t make it to any classes… again
  • Didn’t meet my -2 lbs goal

Notes

I found myself getting lazy once my training stopped.  I have pushed myself to run, but it seems to be a certainty when I have a set schedule to train to.  Easy enough to fix.

This Week’s Goals

  • -2 lbs loss
  • Continue working on time/distance
  • Take two classes at the gym
  • Begin Sunday morning with sun salutation!!!
July 26th - August 2nd, 2012 Achievements: -4.6 lbs for a total of -28.8 lbs -10% of my body weight gone My ninth and final week of Couch to 5K Got in a LOT of exercise despite missing classes Received my Invisilign braces this week Met the 3 of the 6 goals I set last week Setbacks Forgot to begin Sunday with a sun salutation again Didn’t make it to any classes Notes Despite dining out quite a bit during my in-laws’ visit, I managed to make a number of good choices.  I also did a lot of walking, running, and some hiking.  Reaching this goal was a big deal to me, and I’m already working on the next set of goals.  This Week’s Goals -2 lbs loss Finish training Begin working on distance Take two classes at the gym Begin Sunday morning with sun salutation  View high resolution
July 26th - August 2nd, 2012
Achievements:
  • -4.6 lbs for a total of -28.8 lbs
  • -10% of my body weight gone
  • My ninth and final week of Couch to 5K
  • Got in a LOT of exercise despite missing classes
  • Received my Invisilign braces this week
  • Met the 3 of the 6 goals I set last week

Setbacks

  • Forgot to begin Sunday with a sun salutation again
  • Didn’t make it to any classes

Notes

Despite dining out quite a bit during my in-laws’ visit, I managed to make a number of good choices.  I also did a lot of walking, running, and some hiking.  Reaching this goal was a big deal to me, and I’m already working on the next set of goals. 

This Week’s Goals

  • -2 lbs loss
  • Finish training
  • Begin working on distance
  • Take two classes at the gym
  • Begin Sunday morning with sun salutation 
July 19th - 26th, 2012

Achievements:
  • 2.6 lbs for a total of -24.2 lbs
  • My eighth week of Couch to 5K
  • I’m now running for 30 minutes straight, deciding that the 28 minutes I’m supposed to run is a silly middle step
  • Met the 3 of the 4 goals I set last week

Setbacks

  • Forgot to begin Sunday with a sun salutation because I slept in.  Shame on me, I know.

Notes

I’m still pretty hungry after runs, but I’m obviously doing a better job of balancing everything since I dropped a nice bit of weight.  I decided after weeks of hard work, it was time to treat myself.  So I got a pedicure and a haircut.  I felt a great deal better about myself after that little bit of maintenance. 
Hot yoga was amazing, and I’m looking forward to making it a regular thing. 

This Week’s Goals

  • -l lbs loss
  • Continue training
  • Take at least one Bikram Yoga class
  • Take an additional class at the gym
  • Begin Sunday morning with sun salutation 
  • Make a list of small rewards

My Experience at Hot Yoga

A few random thoughts on the Bikram Yoga class I took today.

  • I was the only fat person there.  I felt uneasy about it until we got started.  Once we were in motion, I didn’t have time to give a crap about stupid insecurities.  Though I teetered out of some balance poses, I held my own for the most part.  I finished the class without getting dizzy or having to skip entire sets.  Whenever I lost my balance or got a foot cramp, I tapped it out and went back into the pose. 
  • The room smelled slightly of BO when I entered.  There were only three people in the room at the time, so I prepared for it to get worse.  I also mentally prepared myself to be blamed for the smell in the room due to my weight (more stupid insecurities).  I’m not trying to be catty, or judgmental, but an unpleasant odor in a hot room is not the best experience.  However, the smell did not worsen so it didn’t even matter. 
  • My instructor was excellent.  She was knowledgeable, supportive, and personable.  She made sure to fill me in on the points I may not have been aware of as a newcomer.  When I executed good form, she was sure to say so.  It was a major confidence booster. 
  • For the first time in a long time, I’m sleepy at an appropriate time.  I hope this means sleep!  I’ve also learned that I’m in serious need of foot stretches.  I’m admittedly lazy about stretching my feet after a run, only because they don’t feel as though they hurt afterward.  That’s not going to fly anymore though.
  • I enjoyed it immensely, and will be taking it as regularly as I can.  I can’t wait to be at the level some of the experts in the class are at.  They looked beautiful in their poses (I was encouraged to look at them when I wasn’t sure of the pose, I wasn’t being a creep or anything).

July 12th - 19th, 2012

Achievements:

  • -.5 lbs for a total of -21.5 lbs
  • My seventh week of Couch to 5K
  • I’m now running for 25 minutes straight
  • Met the 2 of the 4 goals I set last week

Setbacks

  • I’m still schlepping through my training.  I have no good excuse for it either.
  • Now that I’m running straight without intervals, I find myself hungrier a lot of the time

Notes

My cousin’s passing has left me in something of a depression.  As long as I’m still training, I feel that things will be alright.  There is improvement, and I’ve returned to meditating daily which has helped a great deal.  I’m hoping to add yoga to that routine as it used to be one of my favorite ways to center myself. 

Running without the interval training has also been making me hungry.  I’ve been trying to find the right balance of foods to keep me energized and full while allowing for continued weight loss.  That’s been a bit exhausting, but hey, I lost weight this week so I must be on the right track.

My little gem jar is now divided into three sections:

  1. What I have left until I meet my half-way point
  2. The remainder of the second half
  3. The final ten lbs.  

Each section is divided by a little note letting me know where I’m at.  I’m looking forward to seeing that first card.  There will be photos, believe that.

This Week’s Goals

  • -l lbs loss
  • Continue training
  • Take at least one class at the gym this week - MUST GET THIS DONE ALREADY.  I really have to cast my fear aside and grow the fuck up
  • Begin Sunday morning with sun salutation (I rather enjoyed doing this last Sunday, so I think I’m going to try it again)

July 5th - 12th, 2012

Achievements:
  • -2.6 lbs for a total of -21 lbs
  • My sixth week of Couch to 5K
  • Met the 2 of the 4 goals I set last week

Setbacks

  • I haven’t been as hardcore with my training this week
  • I couldn’t bring myself to do much more than my 5K training

Notes

I received the news that my cousin passed away on Sunday.  She was weeks away from her 29th birthday.  It’s been weighing heavily on me.  I haven’t stopped my 5K training, but I’ve been spending more time mourning her death and celebrating life than I have been exercising.  That won’t remain the case, as I know life continues on.  I’ll always love and miss her, but she’ll be in my heart - especially when I’m participating in The Color Run.

This Week’s Goals

  • -l lbs loss
  • Continue training
  • Take at least one class at the gym this week
  • Begin Sunday morning with sun salutation